My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
