You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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