this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
