he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish there were birth control emojis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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