Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
