Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's the barista slut.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
