is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize