Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
