this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
