I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
