Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
