We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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