doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
