i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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