My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
