I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I understand Curling. That high.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
