turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
not ubering you a puppy
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