it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
