he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
