Don't make out with my wife yet
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
