Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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