I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
