I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
