ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
