Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
