I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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