I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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