I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
