I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
