He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
