I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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