i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
