the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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