I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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