he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
