so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
