I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
