I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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