Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
