the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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