I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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