my being single is dangerous.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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