just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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