hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
