you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
