theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
