What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
