Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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