is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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