i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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