Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize