i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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