there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
