Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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