mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
