I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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