If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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