Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
