I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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