i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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