I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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