i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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