omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
