She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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