it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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