No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
