Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
