I love black thongs
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
