In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
