Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
